Dec. 14, 2006 ~ Started Physical Therapy today

As the subject header states… I started therapy today to try to correct my limp.  Yeah, Yeah, I know you all thought I was so cool and all having that gangsta walk, but I am ready for a change.  I am thinking bow legged cowboy walk now — whatcha think?  Naahhh… I’m thinking I will go for my own “Angela” walk at least for a while.  So the good news is the limp is now all caused from extremely weak muscles in my right leg and right glutes, from over compensation of the muscles on my left side from when the problem actually had to do with the cancer in the right hip.  So the weak muscles are not keeping my pelvis straight when I walk, it is dropping down on the left side, so my upper body is then swaying to the right to try and correct the misalignment.  Make any sense?  There will be a test!!

The therapist showed me the major difference in size from my left thigh in comparison to the much smaller right thigh.  Said we have much work to do, because there is severe muscle loss and weakness, but if I am willing to push it, we can fix this.  YEAH!  So he pushed it today.  Said we went further then he usually would do on a first consultation visit, but he could tell how frustrated I am with the whole limp issue and wanting to exercise and get back in shape.  Told him I can handle the pain, and let me tell you my muscles are hurting right now, can only imagine how they will feel tomorrow.  So I have exercises to do at home on a daily basis and see him twice a week.  Then I get to start working out at the gym again and if God willing  RUN again. The running part was not something the Physical Therapist approved. Things are looking sweet!  I want my body back. 

On a different note, yesterday was a bummer.  Completely stressed out and got down in the dumps.  The whole holiday thing I guess.  Wanting a spectacular Christmas this year and not getting much help from a few of my kids.  (YOU know who you are). Not being able to find the time to do all those holiday things I wanted to do (basically because everything takes me twice as long to complete these days).  Being alone during yet another Christmas… bringing in another New Year by myself.  It all got to me.  Then I started thinking like I should not be thinking.  This could very well be my last Christmas.  I don’t want to spend it without someone.  (not talking about family and kids here).  Also wondering if this would be the last time I touch my Christmas decorations, last time I hold those sentimental ornaments.  Would the kids cherish all this as much as I do. Could this be my very last Christmas with my children and family….  WOW it was a doozy of a day and I sobbed hysterically for a few hours.  Even though I am doing well and fighting this disease with all I got, one really never knows at this stage.  I can’t help it and if it was you, I know you all would be thinking the same way.  It just quietly sits in the back of my mind… I might not beat this, I have to make each day, each holiday better then before.  And if I am here next year, then that Holiday season will be better then this year.  Anyway, I had a talk with my oldest daughter, then my Mother, then my son, a friend, and even my ex-husband.  Then I felt better, I got through it. I am worried about Skyelar however, she said yesterday in school while writing about how Christmas was her favorite holiday, a flash came across her mind, that Christmas might not be special after this year, if I am gone. She said it came out of no where, but it made her think.  My poor little angel – to have to worry about such things this time of year.  So We all got together last night and got the Tree done and she is a beauty, all 10 feet and 500 ornaments of splendor, plus 1500 lights on it.  Justin finished the outdoor lights too, well what we had left.  Once again I will head out to buy more – I want MORE! 

So back to decorating.  Just wanted to share.  Ho! Ho! Ho!