June 30, 2006 – Friday “I lost my best friend this morning”

I had to say Good bye to a very special part of my life this morning. Nakoma passed away at 6:00 AM. I spent some time with her last night. Held her close to me, expressed my undying love and I told her it was okay to leave me. I knew she was fighting so hard to hang on for my sake. I wanted her to know I loved her enough to let her go. It was so difficult to see her suffer. As the night passed, she was fidgeting. She seemed unable to really get comfortable, and there for neither could I. At that point I began to pray. I asked God to please take her home. It was not fair to make her stay here and endure the misery that the cancer had placed upon her. I begged God to not leave that choice to me, should I have her put to sleep. That was just to difficult for me right now. She is the most loving and loyal creature and deserved to be there by his side. Pain free. Less then 30 minutes later God answered my prayer and called her home. She went quickly, taking a few quick deep breaths, within a minute at most, and then she was gone.

Though my heart broke and fells to pieces at that very moment, I Thanked God for answering my prayer. Told her a final farewell and to let her spirit run.

From that moment she will forever be gone from my days. However she will forever remain within my being, my soul. I know some may think I am nuts for feeling this way, but I know dogs are truly a humans best friend. They are highly intelligent and can give more of their heart than any human ever could. Once a bond is established it is there forever. Nakoma could feel me. When I was happy, sad, in pain or indifferent. I could depend on her. She knew when I became sick with cancer and she did not leave my side from that day. She would go outside to do her business, but then right back by my bedside. She cried with me, and she loved me. She would look at me with those big brown eyes and just melt my heart. Proving to me I was still alive, don’t give up. So when she became sick, I returned the favor. I think that is part of the reason she refused to let go as long as she did. I was loving and caring for her and she felt she should not give up. It was just us two, fighting our battles together. But now I must go on without her. It’s going to be hard adjusting to her absence. The silence will be loud.

It’s been a rough day for us. Nakoma became a part of our family when I was pregnant with Skyelar. So Skye and Nakoma grew up together. Skye lost a sister today. That dog would let Skye do anything to her. A period of time when Skye was around 3 yrs old, Nakoma used to sit there while Skye built mud pies on her head. Priceless. So this afternoon Justin’s dog Cheyenne enters my bedroom. Something she is not normally allowed to do since that was Nakoma’s domain. But She knew and she walked in. She smelled the room and then jumped up on my bed and layed down. I let her, because it just helped me in some small way. I was standing in my bathroom fixing my hair and I hear a whining sound and I look over and Cheyenne was crying. Laying there looking at me whimpering and crying. She lost her mentor, her mother figure today and she felt it. Mind you they were never play buddies, because Nakoma would not allow that. All the same Cheyenne obviously cared about her anyway. So we all lost a very special friend today. I told Nakoma I may see her soon, however. I know that however long it takes me, that when I get to Heaven she will be there waiting for me.

I don’t know how I am going to sleep now without her snoring.