March 29, 2006 [Wednesday] The Waiting Game

The Waiting Game

Just a note to let all know things are just in a sit and wait kinda stage. Just gotta see if the current methods are working. Only time will tell. Over the past week some of the pain has returned. Of course my first thought is that the cancer meds perhaps have slowed their course. But I have to remind myself that I have been up and moving around more than I was, so that could have something to do with it. Not that I am running marathons by no means, but no longer laying in my bed all day. Just moving around a little bit. So I have had to take some pain pills from time to time when it becomes really uncomfortable, but not taking them on a regular basis.

My brother came down for a visit last Wed to Sunday. So I sat up more than I normally would. LaTrisha came home for the weekend as well. So on Saturday I had my first outing in a long time. We went to Sharky’s on the Pier. It did not matter to me that we had that cold front move through, I wanted to go there and sit outside on the deck. Enjoy the beauty, the band and the rum runners ( only had two). and of course the good food. So with about 10 of us we did just that. For a while I felt perfectly normal. Did not start getting back pain till the ride home. It was a good day!

LaTrisha being home for the weekend was a very good thing. I miss her so much right now. I can’t wait till she moves home. It’s kind of strange how both my older children play such different rolls in my well being right now. Justin has become my caretaker, but as always the crutch I can lean upon, the person who takes care of things to make sure I am good. The constant man in my life. But LaTrisha is the emotional support, the one who connects from within, the girl thing. She can know what I am thinking before I think it. I need them both so much right now. They balance out between the two of them, it is amazing. They are amazing young adults. Then there is Skyelar. She is just living her life, which reminds me everyday that I am still a mother. That is a good thing.

Funny all the things we can take for granted when our health seems good. Now for me it is all the little things that make a big deal to me. Like this winter season. It seems I missed the whole Florida winter for the most part. Everyone who knows me, knows I love cold weather, because we get it few and far between. Yet I was pretty much laid up and in pain since the beginning of December. Got around a little in December since I had Christmas to pull off, but the pain seems to be much of what I remember. January and Feb are just completely gone. So this cold front we got last weekend which will probably be our last was the only one I could really try and enjoy. While everyone else was bitching, I was loving it. Had my windows open with 40 degrees outside just added a blanket to my bed. And the winds were strong as well, sorry but I just loved it.

One thing I am missing out on, is spring plantings. I usually plant some types of flowers this time of year. Hopefully I can talk Justin into doing it for me. I did tell him today he needed to pull the grass from around the peach tree, because the peaches are set and need to be fertilized right now. They will be ready for eating in 6 weeks. Of course at that time it becomes a fight between me and the squirrels. They love those peaches, and I ain’t moving so quickly these days.

Well, normally this time of year I start my sun tanning so I can be dark as hell by summer, so I think I am going to try and attempt that. Our temps are supposed to be in the upper 80s by this weekend. My new hammock is in place but I have feared laying in it because Justin set it so high I think I could fall out of it and — break my back. Might just settle into the normal lounge chair, see how my back handles that. But I know I would look so much healthier with a tan. And a tan always made me feel better about the way I look. So we will see how that goes, and if I actually do it.

Well I have talked a whole lot about nothing. Just felt like writing ya know