October 4th, 2006 New Cancer Info – - Saw the Doc
So I had my check up with my oncologist yesterday. I did not have any real good news for her. With the extreme fatigue and all, She was seriously concerned with my memory loss and increase in hip pain. The memory loss problem usually only involves cancer patients who are or have gone through chemo– it’s called Chemo brain. I have not had chemo, so there could be a problem. Such as the cancer has spread to my brain. She did not have my lab results in yet, that I had done this past Friday. So with the memory problem and the extreme increase in pain in my hip she was overly concerned that the cancer had become more aggressive and started spreading. I have really been dreading to hear that over the past few weeks. So she put everything in motion to see what is going on, and to prepare me for changes in treatment if need be, such as Chemo. UGH!
She called me first thing this morning to tell me my lab results had come in and it was good news. YEAH! My CA 27.29 (tumor marker) numbers had not increased and were lower than last months. Not a huge decrease but still lower. From like 147 to 132. Once she said they had decreased my mind started screaming “Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus”. My meds will stay the same as we have been doing. She said since the numbers were lower, the memory problem and hip problem should not be an alarm. The hip may have become arthritic because of the bone damage from the cancer. So an X-ray for my hip and leg, and an MRI on my brain.
I did have a brain hemorrhage when I was 16, that left scar tissue, I am wondering if perhaps the cancer meds, changes in my body because of cancer, and hormone changes may be effecting the scar tissue pressure- some kind of swelling that may temporarily press against the part of my brain that has to do with memory. That is just something I personally have been thinking about, nothing the Dr. said.
Now remember I had to stop the Zometa Therapy a few months ago, because my lower teeth were hurting pretty bad and a few have become loose. But I told her yesterday I wanted to start it again. Just a reminder, it is for the bone cancer alone, to help strengthen my bones and help them re-calcify and heal. It seemed to be working before I had to stop the treatment. So I am hoping it may help with some of the bone and hip pain I have been experiencing lately. If you have been following my battle from way back, you will also remember how painful that therapy was on me, making me very ill, nose bleeds, high fever and paralyzing me for 24 hours after treatment. And how the last time she had me start taking inflammation meds, and doubling my pain meds for 24 hours before the Zometa therapy session, as well as taking my med for nausea right after treatment, and well it worked last time. I did not experience much pain at all, just slight stiffness. So I have been doing the same today. Funny I did not get as loopy this time as i did last time I was taking all this stuff. Please pray it works again, after my treatment tomorrow.
Okay over all exam yesterday was good. She could not even measure the tumor in my breast, because it is undefinable. Can’t really tell anymore where it begins and ends compared to natural breast tissue. Good thing! Still no swelling in my lymph nodes, since that disappeared a few months ago. No return of fluid in my lungs. No pain in pressure points. And no pain in my hip area when I am laying down. She can move my leg in all sorts of positions and no pain. (Okay, men get your mind out of the gutter). Just hurts when I walk.
Now to the mastectomy concern. She had asked me a few months ago to consider having that done. That there was no proof whether it would increase my life expectancy or not. Since the cancer has spread through out my body. Just something I might want to have done, just in case it “might” help. Well She recently attended a medical conference of sorts, in which one of the speakers who does cancer research brought up that exact subject matter. She said she immediately thought of me. She listened closely to what he had to say and then talked with him afterward. He reported he does not support having a mastectomy at this stage of my cancer. Through the trials and research he found nothing that supported it would assist in saving ones life or prolong a life. In some instances made it worse. Not to mention a woman’s mental and emotional well being from being scarred in such a manner, for reasons that did not help her anyway. She discussed my case, and he told her if “I” was his patient he would not recommend it and would strongly advise me not to even consider it. So she told me yesterday, don’t even think about it anymore. At least that is one less issue I need to ponder in this overworked mind of mine.
Given the way I have been feeling over the past month, I told the Doctor I had not really been taking care of myself in the manner that I had been before. Not eating as nutritionally as I had been, nor following the strict guidelines I had set up for myself from my own research. So the doctor recommended I return to what ever I was doing before Since that seemed to be working. I am hoping that is all there was to this whole month of yuckiness. I have been eating better and taking all my supplements and such over the past week and a half, and I do feel a little better than I was. Stocked the kitchen up again. Loaded it down with tons of the good types of fruits and Vegetables. Now have a water cooler, to get the 5 gallons of purified water at a time, instead of buying it by the individual water bottles. Easier to use in cooking and all. We went through 5 gallons in three days, as well as a half of case of green tea and a half of case of the 16.5 oz bottles of water, I had remaining. Also bottles of diet V8. Unpacked my juicer I knew I had. So now I can start making it all the totally healthy and fresh way. Soy bean yogurt, yummy. lol. Pumpkins seeds, Flax seed. And had never tried Hummus before, so I did that. I actually like it in whole wheat pita. Everything in my kitchen in now whole grain and whole wheat. Down to the waffles and cereals. No sugar, or reduced sugar. No Trans fat. The kids are adjusting fairly well. They actually look at the ingredients of things now to see if the bad stuff is in it. Skyelar has her weak moments. She had her dad buy her some Little Debbie goodies, she hid them in her room. lol. I broke down and bought her some Doritos and Cheetos. Just for now. Not all the time however. I am determined to be very strict with myself now, I am going to turn this all around.
I really do want to be that miracle patient that beat all the odds. Sometimes however it does get very depressing and difficult. As you may have noticed in my last blog. Probably not a good idea to write in the wee morning hours, after a night of no sleep. Not feeling well, and let things build up inside without letting any of it out till then. Some of it made no real sense, but it did to me at the time I guess and that is all that really matters. I was writing to release to help me feel better. That’s what I do when I need to deal with anything. I write. But just to clear something up, I was not referring to most of you who are my faithful followers – meaning been with me through this whole thing. So many of you have been right there with me as I have shared my story, good news, bad news, anything ,you have all had words of love and encouragement. Just simple little comments and notes telling me you are thinking about me at that moment, praying for me, anything…that all the means the world to me. It does not have to be a long letter, or phone calls. Just the simple little acts of kindness can make me smile even when I am feeling at my worse. I know I have such dear friends in many of you. I am truly blessed for that. But I did write about a certain person in that blog and he knows who he is and we have talked that all through as of now. But the main meaning behind the “being alone” and “going through it alone” basically was about the good old fashion need of love. Waking up and realizing how much I want that, but also allowing myself to need it. How much easier it would be for me to have a loving man by my side. Not just through phone calls or a talk over lunch one day. I want the real thing, a permanent man in my life. And to just know what I am missing helps with the hurt. Makes me feel even lonelier. Many of you referred to me having my kids and family. Yes I do, and I Thank God for that. But that is entirely different, they unfortunately can not fill the void I have in my heart. I am sure they have tried. And perhaps feel let down because they were not successful. But that is an understanding they would need to realize on their own as well. They can not feel what is truly missing in my soul, only the man who belongs there can. That is what is lacking, and until he comes along the space will remain a wound of sorts, that only he can heal.
Okay like I said I intended on this being shorter, but you know me and details. Well obviously the sleeping pill is not going to work tonight. So depending on how I feel after the Zometa Therapy, I will get back to you about that when I can. Should have my results from the MRI and hip x-ray early next week. Let’s pray it’s all good!!!!
ANGELA ANDREWS PIFER
